Random Post with Lots of Photos

Isabella and her friend Mia did their leadership project - they cleaned up trash from a local park. They covered their poster board in a trash bag - how adorable is that?! Hopefully they will get their acceptance letters tomorrow at school. 

We had a really good day at the fair a week or so ago. It was so hot, but we made it and had fun.

Isabella told her Coach that she wanted to try catching. I think she fell in love. She caught her first game last week - the whole game because our catcher was not there. She did amazing. Everyone was shocked being that it was her VERY FIRST time behind the plate.

We borrowed some gear from Dad's friend at works Daughter.

I'm sure you heard about our hell of a week last week. This was exactly how I felt...

Yesterday morning, Miss Isabella got to say the Pledge of Allegiance in front of the whole school. She was so excited and I was very proud of her!

And finally, here is a prayer I found along the way. I love it and how it pertains to my feelings. 

Love you all!

Hanging in there

Well, I wish I could report that I was 100% better. I'm not. But every day I am fighting through and hanging in there. I haven't cried for three straight mornings. My doctor said that I was probably getting a bit of "seratonin syndrome" and the medication was too strong. I am back to my lower dose and have less stomach aches and fluish symptoms in the morning. I will see my doctor on Thursday. Funny to say that I can't wait. I don't know what I am hoping for. Possibly a change in medication so I can go back to my regular go-go personality. I'm done with sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for something to happen.

This morning I was driving to my Mom's and on the radio was Joel Osten giving a talk about The Power of I am. The words were very true to me today and a message I enjoyed hearing. He said to use your words to bless your future not curse it. Everything to follow the I Am should be positive and that positive will follow you. I AM blessed. I AM talented. I AM beautiful. I AM fearless. I AM strong. I AM Loved.

I will keep fighting. I will let people know that anxiety is a terrible thing to deal with. Not many people talk about it, but the more I talk with people, the more people I find have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks.

Thank you for your continued prayers. I know they are working.

The Other Side

I will come out on the other side. It may not have seemed like it  last week when my Husband would leave, the kids would leave and I would have a debilitating panic attack each morning thinking something was going to happen to me.

I'm fearful. Although I know I should not be fearful of going to Heaven, at this point in my life, I am. I don't want to miss birthdays, ball games, graduations, weddings and small moments of hugs and "i love yous". I'm selfish. I want to be here for everything my kids do. I don't want to leave them without a Mother. How would they ever truly know how much their Mother loved them, cared for them and needed them. How would my Husband, my parents, my family and my friends know just how much I love them all. Coupled with physical feelings of head rushes and sweats, these above are the thoughts that send me into a tail spin every time.

Obviously my medication was no longer working. On Monday I had to up it. I don't want to be on any medication, but I don't have a choice right now. I can not live a daily life with the way I have felt.  I have called on the help of so many. Something I don't like to do. I have laid shaking in my Husband's arms. I have doubled over crying on my Mom's couch. I've went to get her just so she could stay with me at my house. I also started seeing a therapist... something I thought I would never do. "I'm stronger than that" I thought, but apparently I am not and that is ok! I'm hopeful.

Each day I feel a tiny bit better. I still have weird physical feelings but I will be tending to those with physical therapy and an MRI just to be certain. I will learn how to talk to myself to have those feelings subside. I may not have felt it last week but today I know that I will conquer and that is how I know that I will come out on the other side.

I ask for any prayers because I know the Good Lord will hear them.